« こんな夫がいい | Main | 結婚と恋愛は別かもしれないけれど »

Friday, December 19, 2003

結婚しても恋愛したい

結婚するとき男と女では違うことを思っている。
あるいは、結婚の目的が違っている。

男は「これで恋愛という不安定な関係に悩まされることがなくなる」と思い、女は「これで二人の関係が安定する。恋が愛になる」と思う。
つまり男はある意味恋愛が終わるのに対して、女は恋愛の延長線上に身を置いたまま。
結婚後の男女の気持ちのすれ違いはきっとここにある。

夫は「もう結婚してるんだし、ちょっとかまってやれなくなってもいいだろう」と思うし、妻は「結婚した途端かまってくれなくなった」と思う。
端的に言えば、夫は恋愛から仕事や他の付き合いに比重を移すのだ (平日仕事、休みは接待ゴルフとかね)。
従って恋人であった、現在妻である女の存在の比重も軽くなる。
一昔前のドラマなんかに上司に「キミもそろそろ結婚して落ち着きたまえ」なんて言われるシーンがあるけれど、あれはそういう意味だ。
色恋なんぞに気ぃ取られずにもっとどっしり構えて仕事に向かえるように結婚しろ、という意味。
そして違う意識の妻と諍いが増えて家にいづらくなってますます仕事人間になるのが今までの日本の夫の姿だったのかもしれない。
これに対して仕事をしている妻は、ハッキリ言って本人も周囲も感覚は独身時代とさほど変らない。
結婚した女性の部下に対して「結婚してキミも落ち着いたから今度のプロジェクトは任せるよ」なんていう上司は日本にはまだいない。
(それどころか「いつ子供ができるかわからないから長期のプロジェクトは任せられないな」ってことの方がきっと多いだろう。)

最近は仕事より家庭優先、という男性も増えたけれど、家庭は家庭。当たり前に恋愛ではない。
結婚後すぐ子供を欲しがるのは女性より男性の方が多かったりする。
これに対して女性は「もう少し新婚気分(恋愛気分)でいたいから、子供はもう少し先」という意識でいる人も多い。
仕事をしていたらなおさら子供には慎重になる。

子供が出来たらもっと複雑。今度は逆のパターンも出てくるからだ。
妻は妻ではなく母だけになってしまい、夫をないがしろにする、というパターン。

ことほど左様に夫婦間の恋愛と言うのはなかなかに難しい。
だけど私はやっぱり結婚しても子供が出来ても恋愛していたい。勿論、夫と。
夫にもいつもそう言ってる。言われた時の夫は嬉しそうだ。
そうだよ、やっぱり夫だって妻に好きって言われたら嬉しいじゃん。それだよ、大事なのは。
男だって絶対結婚しても妻と恋愛した方が楽しいに決まってる。
...と思うのは女の幻想なのでしょーか?
いつか私の夢も打ち砕かれてしまうんでしょーか?
いやいやいや。そんなことはない、と信じましょうぞ。

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「くわとろ」さんという方が、quatro: 結婚しても恋愛したいというココログを書いておられます。共感できる部分が多かったので、勝手ながら初めてのトラックバック... [Read More]

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